Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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