The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
