i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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