Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish I only lived at night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
