Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
