NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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