"it" just moved
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
