pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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