Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
