Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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