I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
