answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
