How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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