Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
