you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
