Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I love having hate sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
