i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
