You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
