I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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