im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
