Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
