I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
