I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
