My hand turned me down
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
