Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
