Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
