Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
