Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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