either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
