nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
