who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
