Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This toilet bowl is my home.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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