it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
