im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
