hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
