I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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