i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
