I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
