I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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