the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
