Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
