filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
