turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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