Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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