No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
