We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
