ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
