i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Who died my cat blue again?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
