i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
