Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
