Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
