I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
