There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
