U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
