should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
