I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
